Only parts of the directions...

This summer has been well... pretty insane I think... not in the sense that Ive gone a lot of places, or done anything super special, but stuff is just happening; and while I have thought about it a bajillion times, I've never found the time to write... So where does one begin? I guess the beginning is kind of a good place to start...

Not too long after placing my last post in May, I was doing my younger sisters friends hair for church. We were chatting and Bo (my sister) mentioned something to Kerry (her friend) about working at her mom's care home. Kerry said her mom wasn't really looking for anyone to help out during the day, or come in to play instruments for the residents right now, but she was looking for someone to work nights. I kind of perked up at that, and thought "hey, I could do that". I mentioned my interest, and we headed off to church.
At church through service I noticed my eye was itchy. Like insanely itchy, I don't think its ever been that itchy before. The next morning it was still itchy and when I pulled down my lower eyelid (by the tear duct) where it was bothering me the most, I could see a yellowish spot by the tear duct that was surrounded by red. The other side looked just normal. So I scheduled a doctors appointment.

I have really known my doctor since conception. He was there at my birth, and I can count the times that I have gone to a clinic because he wouldn't squeeze us in, on about 2 fingers, I really love my doctor because he would rather try to let things take their course instead of prescribe prescribe prescribe!!! I went in to see him, told him the problem, he took a look, said it was an irritation of some sort, that we would never know the cause, it would go away in a few days, and if it didn't, then come back and he would check it and get me drops. Then while there are 3 or 4 people in the waiting room, he sits and chats with me about school. "What are you doing?" "What are you planning to take?" etc.

At this point I had no idea... Nada, zip, nothing... I told him that I was interested in sign language, and was considering taking the teachers aid (TA) course this fall at SIAST. He kind of looked at me, told me that was great (in the same voice your Grandmother uses when she is happy that you've finally done something but thinks you could have made a better or wiser decision to better impact your future, but she will never tell you to your face only continually suggest other things you could be doing in addition to what you've already decided).

There was a slightly awkward pause as I added that I was kind of getting TA certificate at SIAST because I wanted to do SOMETHING other than work at Superstore for the rest of my life. Then he looked at me and said, "Carlee, you're smart, why don't you go into medicine".
I kind of wiggled uncomfortably and looked at the magazine rack on the wall... I don't really like medicine, yeah I have had people ask me for as long as I can remember if I am going to be a nurse like my mom when I grow up. But It just didn't appeal to me, neither did being a doctor... I KNOW me... I would spend 11 years getting schooled and specialized in one area, and then decide I didn't like it and try some other area, I would ALWAYS be in school, and I don't want that.

So I said I would think about it, he seemed as happy as a grandmother who hears the same thing, and I left his office the wheels in my head spinning furiously as I thought about other options. The wheels kept spinning furiously for about 2 more days.

Thursday at work, I happened to look at the front page of the newspaper as I was stacking baskets at the door. The front page headline? "Midwifery in Saskatchewan Celebrates its Second Anniversary". Cool, I thought. So I read more, there is no school here but I can do it online? I would be working with moms and babies?! Its a job in demand as more people go 'natural' in their medicine choices?!?!?!
I couldn't wait to get off of work to go home and research, and research I did. I found a school online called Aviva institute that offers a long distance program that was as rigorous as any college course, but available online, I wouldn't have to move, and I could fit school around my schedule, not fit work around school...

The following week I also got in touch with Kerry's mom and scheduled an interview with her. She hired me on the spot, and I began training the following week.

NOW, I have since learned that there are a few hiccups with school. I will have to do some moving, or else get really creative, because technically its illegal for me to do my practicum here (insurance issues because of government policy), but I don't have to worry about that for a whole year. I do like working nights, but its hard to schedule things, I don't have much of a sleep system anymore, and it can be stressful with one of me and 13 residents to care for; but it's truly amazing how quickly life can change from being unsure, to hanging on as things begin to advance at warp speed.

I signed up for my summer pre requisite courses, and sent in my application, had my interview via Skype, and am currently waiting for an acceptance letter.

While I don't know where all this direction with school can take me, or the doors it will open, I know that I am learning patience, albeit at a frustratingly slow pace. See, I'm starting to realize that I need to take a step back, instead of jumping in the middle of the river and trying to do my own thing. There are a lot of things this year that make me realize that I need to be patient. I need to take things as they come instead of trying to make them work. God knows what I need and when, so why do I worry so much about bills, choices, relationships, school, decisions, timings? It probably has a lot to do with being human, but I think it also has a lot to do with trust. I need to realize that I just have to trust in him instead of putting it all together myself. I know God already has everything in my life planned out already, I need him to lead me instead of trying to lead him and tell him what I need.

Its funny but I've come to realize that if I think its right, I'm usually wrong. And, while I have only part of the directions currently, I know that I don't have to worry... The rest are coming, and when they get here I'll totally understand the when, whys, how's, and what in the worlds, but for now I'm going to try and relax and go with the flow of things.
And as a side note, while I didnt get to go to PEAK this year, or my own district camp, because of how difficult and intense my courses have proved to be, (among other things), I also realize that I can't always do what I want, and I figure if I give up one opportunity, there has to be something else down the road that I will get to do instead...