I was going through some things the other day (ok today, but the other day just sounds better) anyhoo... I was looking through some stuff and found some OLD poetry and other such type projects that I wrote in the last couple of years.. most of them were done in grade ten, so reaching back far into the past here is some of my really interesting ideas...
VOICES
MY voice, so small in the crowd, screaming with all my might.
No one can hear me.
I'm drowning in my own voice, they all walk by oblivious.
Im so afraid, so alone.
I cry for help and no one comes, the light is so far away, no one seems to understand.
So lost, no one there, wandering aimlessly, everything seems so helpless.
"So just give up", says a small voice.
I can't listen to it, I would never do that!
"But they don't care!" It screams.
Sure they do, don't they?
Fed by my ever growing doubt, it slowly consumes me.
By now its much too late, no one could help me.
Even if they wanted to.
~Carlee Friske Written 2006~
Sometimes I look back on what I write and I'm like "DUDE! How and why did I write that?" I guess sometimes things just strike me and I just write about them. In this case I think I was pretty frustrated about something... lol I certainly wasn't too excited about much...,
I think for now I'll just put one more up.. I think I'll end it a little lighter so... yeah.. make sure you read to the end on this one.. umm It was a writing exercise for class.. It seems really really weird.. but um just keep reading...
HELP!
AWAKEN from a deep sleep
Where am I and what happened?
I can feel him on top of me,
his horrible breath fills my senses,
his tongue is everywhere.
My face is wet,
I say "no more!"
But still he pushes on.
I roll over to try and escape from this horror.
Then my mom comes in,
and takes the dog off of me.
Now I can sleep in after a long week of school.
~Carlee Friske Written 2006~
Like I said, you really have to read to the end. The whole idea of the writing exercise was to mislead the reader, I think it worked and I got a decent mark on it.. I don't remember because it was too long ago. But yeah.. I don't want to post TOO much more because I need to go look at my other stuff and try to post some stuff in a theme or something... anyways thats my thoughts for this particular moment...
Wednesday, September 24
Dead Bird Syndrome
Yesterday while driving around the city, I noticed a dead bird on a street near my house. The poor thing had just walked across the road and suddenly become grilled meat.. literally...
Anyways so I kept passing this poor dead birdy and it got me thinking...as it lay there slightly adhered to the pavement, cars driving by, paying no attention, I realized that just like everything else, now that it was "gone" no one really cared anymore... If the bird had of kept swooping in front of traffic, then people would have cared, but since it was dead, it becomes more of an eyesore (or pothole filler) than anything else.
And that triggered another thought (I was doing a lot of thinking yesterday)
How different is that from anything else. Sure it was JUST a bird.... But when someone dies for real they're just gone. Some people leave some type of a mark that may make them remembered for a little while longer, but really everyone is eventually forgotten.
After thinking about that for a little longer.. I realized that I don't want to be like the bird.
(hahahahahhahahhahahahahahhahahahahhhahahahhahaahhahahahah... ahem inside joke) Instead of playing in the traffic trying to make a name for myself and getting the attention that I so desire, I am just going to stay on the sidewalk so to speak, and just hang out until either I can cross, or I'll just keep walking and eventually find a lemonaid stand or something where I can make my small mark on the world.
When you think in history, most people are flash bang. They suddenly show up for some odd reason, have their fifteen minutes of fame and then are forgotten forever. Other people I notice who bide their time and just do their own thing seem to be remembered for much longer.
For example: Most "Stars" of the day are incredibly flash bang, they make their contribution to society, and then when their gone well we forget about them, even if we own their cd or movie, after a few years no one remembers who you were. But if you think of some people like Laura Ingalls Wilder who just did her own thing, bided her time, walked on the sidewalk, and then published her story. When you think about it, she never really did anything, she just lived her life and then decided to tell others about it. Many of her books were not even published until after she died. but her legacy still lives on.
Now ok sure other people do have published books too, but even then most of the time they aren't remembered. and if they are its not in a light of goodness its one of sadness.
So bide your time, say your goodbyes to the poor smushed birdy, and instead of paying attention to the birdys who play in traffic for attention, turn your eyes to the sky and watch the other birds fly. See what mark they are leaving, because I garentee that it will be much more memorable than what the traffic birdies are leaving.
Anyways so I kept passing this poor dead birdy and it got me thinking...as it lay there slightly adhered to the pavement, cars driving by, paying no attention, I realized that just like everything else, now that it was "gone" no one really cared anymore... If the bird had of kept swooping in front of traffic, then people would have cared, but since it was dead, it becomes more of an eyesore (or pothole filler) than anything else.
And that triggered another thought (I was doing a lot of thinking yesterday)
How different is that from anything else. Sure it was JUST a bird.... But when someone dies for real they're just gone. Some people leave some type of a mark that may make them remembered for a little while longer, but really everyone is eventually forgotten.
After thinking about that for a little longer.. I realized that I don't want to be like the bird.
(hahahahahhahahhahahahahahhahahahahhhahahahhahaahhahahahah... ahem inside joke) Instead of playing in the traffic trying to make a name for myself and getting the attention that I so desire, I am just going to stay on the sidewalk so to speak, and just hang out until either I can cross, or I'll just keep walking and eventually find a lemonaid stand or something where I can make my small mark on the world.
When you think in history, most people are flash bang. They suddenly show up for some odd reason, have their fifteen minutes of fame and then are forgotten forever. Other people I notice who bide their time and just do their own thing seem to be remembered for much longer.
For example: Most "Stars" of the day are incredibly flash bang, they make their contribution to society, and then when their gone well we forget about them, even if we own their cd or movie, after a few years no one remembers who you were. But if you think of some people like Laura Ingalls Wilder who just did her own thing, bided her time, walked on the sidewalk, and then published her story. When you think about it, she never really did anything, she just lived her life and then decided to tell others about it. Many of her books were not even published until after she died. but her legacy still lives on.
Now ok sure other people do have published books too, but even then most of the time they aren't remembered. and if they are its not in a light of goodness its one of sadness.
So bide your time, say your goodbyes to the poor smushed birdy, and instead of paying attention to the birdys who play in traffic for attention, turn your eyes to the sky and watch the other birds fly. See what mark they are leaving, because I garentee that it will be much more memorable than what the traffic birdies are leaving.
Friday, September 19
Tickle me Elmo
Since being home by myself, all alone, all day, ALL WEEK... I have started to go slightly insane. Not only am I sick, but I have no energy so even wanting to do something like make cookies, is nearly impossible. Even taking a shower takes an enormous amount of energy...
ANYWAYS
Its Friday night and I'm feeling quite restless... I want to go out and do something, but everyone I know is working. I would like to GO somewhere but I don't have the money to drive anywhere (why is gas so expensive?!) and Even if I did go somewhere, I don't have a place to stay without showing up being like "hey can I crash here?"
If none of this was bad enough, my parents are both out of town, so I could actually do something tonight... Except instead I need to be mature and responsible, and (technically) babysit my younger siblings.
Usually, I could care less... But at this point in time I am feeling rather... not into doing that..
Basically this post is just a rant about how I would really rather not be mature and do what I am supposed to do...
While venting my frustration to a close friend, I came up with an idea, when she replied to my email she said I needed to stop making such vivid mental pictures when I email her because she can't help but laugh out loud when she reads them and the people at her work are starting to think shes kinda nutty...
I just need professional help... Anything that happens this weekend should be very interesting... because my maturity level has dropped, and I feel like doing something REALLY stupid... Hopefully I wont get arrested or anything too bad...
So if you see my face in the Criminals top ten most wanted.. you know why...
ANYWAYS
Its Friday night and I'm feeling quite restless... I want to go out and do something, but everyone I know is working. I would like to GO somewhere but I don't have the money to drive anywhere (why is gas so expensive?!) and Even if I did go somewhere, I don't have a place to stay without showing up being like "hey can I crash here?"
If none of this was bad enough, my parents are both out of town, so I could actually do something tonight... Except instead I need to be mature and responsible, and (technically) babysit my younger siblings.
Usually, I could care less... But at this point in time I am feeling rather... not into doing that..
Basically this post is just a rant about how I would really rather not be mature and do what I am supposed to do...
While venting my frustration to a close friend, I came up with an idea, when she replied to my email she said I needed to stop making such vivid mental pictures when I email her because she can't help but laugh out loud when she reads them and the people at her work are starting to think shes kinda nutty...
I just need professional help... Anything that happens this weekend should be very interesting... because my maturity level has dropped, and I feel like doing something REALLY stupid... Hopefully I wont get arrested or anything too bad...
So if you see my face in the Criminals top ten most wanted.. you know why...
Tuesday, September 16
The curse of Isreal
A couple Wednesdays ago the Pastor mentioned something about Moses, and I started thinking.
Moses had a pretty interesting life. He was saved by the princess of Egypt, and lived in the palace of Pharaoh, one of the (technically) enemies of his people. Eventually fled his home and the wrath of Pharaoh because he killed someone. One day, God lights a bush on fire, but doesn't let the fire consume the bush. Moses sees the bush and does a "whoa dude"... because all of a sudden its not just the bush burning, but not burning, but now the bush is TALKING!
The bush tells Moses to go talk some sense into Pharaoh, tell him that "I AM" sent Moses to talk to Pharaoh, and set the people of God free.
Moses says Dude, I so can't do this, and After a moment or two of "can not", "can too", God tells Moses to get Aaron and go to Egypt, end of discussion
(if you haven't noticed I'm really paraphrasing this)
So Moses gets to Egypt with Aaron as fast as he can, and then Pharaoh is like "uh, k so this bush told you to tell me 'I AM' sent you, to bring your brother, and that I would let your people, who happen to be building me a huge likeness of myself out of bricks for nothing, go?
And Moses not sure of what else to say says: "yeah!"
Pharaoh laughs, and the after some frogs, locusts, water turned to blood, and finally the majority of the first born children, including Pharaohs, dying, Pharaoh finally decides that 'I AM' is a lot more powerful than he is and he better do as "I AM" tells him.
The people of God are ecstatic! "DUDE WERE FREE!" and they all follow Moses, and live happily ever after.
or not
Instead of trusting God for this super huge awesome thing he did for them, as soon as they get to a road block (the Red Sea)... Looses hope and gets their pout on, while freaking out.
Every time the people of God hit a road block, no matter how big or small, they immediately loose faith, and then when saved yet again, they rejoice! until the next issue comes up. It didn't matter that God saved his people from all those things in the past, they still thought that when something came up nothing could save them and suddenly the situation was helpless. It didn't matter what God revealed or showed them, they still wouldn't have faith when something else happened.
Since the story of Moses, and the leading the people of God to freedom (or something like that), even before that, people have continually acted this way.
As soon as a trial comes along our way, we think everything is absolutely impossible, no one can fix it, the sky is falling etc, etc, etc. We also can't think into the future and see what God will do with this situation to make us grow in him, or to make something else come out of the seemingly super bad, awful, horrid thing that is happening/happened/going to happen... God doesn't do things for no reason, if you stop reading your bible and just see that Moses was put into the river, you can think, well that's stupid, why would something like that happen in the first place? If we wait, though andgive things time, and let things take their course, we can eventually see the end result, God saved Moses from his lifetime of slavery and instead gave him a greater purpose, leading his people out of slavery and on to better things.
As humans we have some terrible tendencies, but the one we need to work on is our trust in God. When something goes wrong instead of complaining, just trust God that it will get better, pray about it, and then see what happens... all of this doomsday stuff is getting on my nerves... I just wish that people, including myself, could get it in our heads that whatever happens, however hard it may be, God has his hand in things, and it will eventually all work out...
Now many people will say, whatever you don't know anything... well hmm lemme think... Go down a few posts and find out about that mustang that took a bath, and then I can also say that I just had to give up a three week trip to visit my grandparents in absolutely GORGEOUS Prince Edward Island, because for whatever reason I have suddenly got this cold, that is bad enough that if my grandparents got it, it wouldn't be very good at all.... So now instead of just arriving at my destination I am typing on the computer, occasionally blowing my rather red nose and coughing the most interesting things out of my chest....
Now I am not going to lie, I am rather bummed, but I am also thinking of all the things that can and will happen now that I am not going, and God sees my attitude and will either reward, or condemn it accordingly.
As he does with everything... its a good thing he's patient and willing to give us a few go's at life.
Moses had a pretty interesting life. He was saved by the princess of Egypt, and lived in the palace of Pharaoh, one of the (technically) enemies of his people. Eventually fled his home and the wrath of Pharaoh because he killed someone. One day, God lights a bush on fire, but doesn't let the fire consume the bush. Moses sees the bush and does a "whoa dude"... because all of a sudden its not just the bush burning, but not burning, but now the bush is TALKING!
The bush tells Moses to go talk some sense into Pharaoh, tell him that "I AM" sent Moses to talk to Pharaoh, and set the people of God free.
Moses says Dude, I so can't do this, and After a moment or two of "can not", "can too", God tells Moses to get Aaron and go to Egypt, end of discussion
(if you haven't noticed I'm really paraphrasing this)
So Moses gets to Egypt with Aaron as fast as he can, and then Pharaoh is like "uh, k so this bush told you to tell me 'I AM' sent you, to bring your brother, and that I would let your people, who happen to be building me a huge likeness of myself out of bricks for nothing, go?
And Moses not sure of what else to say says: "yeah!"
Pharaoh laughs, and the after some frogs, locusts, water turned to blood, and finally the majority of the first born children, including Pharaohs, dying, Pharaoh finally decides that 'I AM' is a lot more powerful than he is and he better do as "I AM" tells him.
The people of God are ecstatic! "DUDE WERE FREE!" and they all follow Moses, and live happily ever after.
or not
Instead of trusting God for this super huge awesome thing he did for them, as soon as they get to a road block (the Red Sea)... Looses hope and gets their pout on, while freaking out.
Every time the people of God hit a road block, no matter how big or small, they immediately loose faith, and then when saved yet again, they rejoice! until the next issue comes up. It didn't matter that God saved his people from all those things in the past, they still thought that when something came up nothing could save them and suddenly the situation was helpless. It didn't matter what God revealed or showed them, they still wouldn't have faith when something else happened.
Since the story of Moses, and the leading the people of God to freedom (or something like that), even before that, people have continually acted this way.
As soon as a trial comes along our way, we think everything is absolutely impossible, no one can fix it, the sky is falling etc, etc, etc. We also can't think into the future and see what God will do with this situation to make us grow in him, or to make something else come out of the seemingly super bad, awful, horrid thing that is happening/happened/going to happen... God doesn't do things for no reason, if you stop reading your bible and just see that Moses was put into the river, you can think, well that's stupid, why would something like that happen in the first place? If we wait, though andgive things time, and let things take their course, we can eventually see the end result, God saved Moses from his lifetime of slavery and instead gave him a greater purpose, leading his people out of slavery and on to better things.
As humans we have some terrible tendencies, but the one we need to work on is our trust in God. When something goes wrong instead of complaining, just trust God that it will get better, pray about it, and then see what happens... all of this doomsday stuff is getting on my nerves... I just wish that people, including myself, could get it in our heads that whatever happens, however hard it may be, God has his hand in things, and it will eventually all work out...
Now many people will say, whatever you don't know anything... well hmm lemme think... Go down a few posts and find out about that mustang that took a bath, and then I can also say that I just had to give up a three week trip to visit my grandparents in absolutely GORGEOUS Prince Edward Island, because for whatever reason I have suddenly got this cold, that is bad enough that if my grandparents got it, it wouldn't be very good at all.... So now instead of just arriving at my destination I am typing on the computer, occasionally blowing my rather red nose and coughing the most interesting things out of my chest....
Now I am not going to lie, I am rather bummed, but I am also thinking of all the things that can and will happen now that I am not going, and God sees my attitude and will either reward, or condemn it accordingly.
As he does with everything... its a good thing he's patient and willing to give us a few go's at life.
Wantonness
I totally and absolutely can not believe that it has been almost a month since I posted on here... Where has the time gone!? and I thought I would have more time since I currently don't have a job and I am not doing anything for school... But I digress, because who has time anymore....
On to my original thought that I had a few weeks ago...
Every once in a while I get this sudden urge to cook, and it scares a lot of people.. Not because I'm a bad cook but just because I like to experiment with my cooking, and although I use a recipe, I usually do so much substituting that by the time I'm finished cooking there is no point in using the same recipe because it is definitely not the same.
In any case I was making wantons. I had bought the wrappers at Superstore and I made the filling and then was boiling them, and then would later add them to soup.
Bear with me here...
Wantons are quite similar to humans if you can wrap your head around that... Simply said they are a wrapper (skin), around some meaty insides (guts), some turn out a little larger, or smaller than the rest of the group (nuff said), and they all some how interact with others (just like how everyone interacts with everyone else effecting everyone no matter how slight the contact is).
In essence as I placed these poor little human Wantons into the pot to cook, they immediately interacted with everyone else in the pot. Not one of those wantons was untouched by another and after I removed some of the wantons out and put new fresh ones in (my pot wasn't big enough to cook everything at once), I also came to realize that, even though the previous wantons had left (died?) they still left something behind in the water of wanton life, that the new little human wantons had to live through.
Now, I was not on crack when I was thinking about this, but instead I realized that even though we think our actions are only for today and that they will not have any impact on the future, that is wrong. Everything that I do now, every person that I impact, run into in the mall, smile at in the elevator, yell at or hang up the phone, is essentially effected by my actions, how small or large, some remembered others forgotten, no matter what changes the course of history slightly, putting it on a brand new course.
My choice to hold my tongue and just go inside instead of yelling, crying and making a scene, changes how the entire evening worked out. Think about it. The choice that someone makes when they get into a car after drinking, effects more than just the person driving, even the passengers, it also effects friends, family, even the people that you don't know, but have now killed by running into them. Think of how the actions of just ONE person changes the course of history for an entire race, religion, people.
My goal in this post is to just make people think... Instead of unleashing your fury on other people, or doing stupid things to get back at them for wrecking your fun, or ruining your plans, why not stop, think, take another perspective, laugh instead of avenging an act, and instead of setting your goals on getting even, just let God, have complete control of the situation and go on with your life while HE, not YOU deals with things. God has a great sense of humor, trust me, he can and will get even much better than you EVER could......
On to my original thought that I had a few weeks ago...
Every once in a while I get this sudden urge to cook, and it scares a lot of people.. Not because I'm a bad cook but just because I like to experiment with my cooking, and although I use a recipe, I usually do so much substituting that by the time I'm finished cooking there is no point in using the same recipe because it is definitely not the same.
In any case I was making wantons. I had bought the wrappers at Superstore and I made the filling and then was boiling them, and then would later add them to soup.
Bear with me here...
Wantons are quite similar to humans if you can wrap your head around that... Simply said they are a wrapper (skin), around some meaty insides (guts), some turn out a little larger, or smaller than the rest of the group (nuff said), and they all some how interact with others (just like how everyone interacts with everyone else effecting everyone no matter how slight the contact is).
In essence as I placed these poor little human Wantons into the pot to cook, they immediately interacted with everyone else in the pot. Not one of those wantons was untouched by another and after I removed some of the wantons out and put new fresh ones in (my pot wasn't big enough to cook everything at once), I also came to realize that, even though the previous wantons had left (died?) they still left something behind in the water of wanton life, that the new little human wantons had to live through.
Now, I was not on crack when I was thinking about this, but instead I realized that even though we think our actions are only for today and that they will not have any impact on the future, that is wrong. Everything that I do now, every person that I impact, run into in the mall, smile at in the elevator, yell at or hang up the phone, is essentially effected by my actions, how small or large, some remembered others forgotten, no matter what changes the course of history slightly, putting it on a brand new course.
My choice to hold my tongue and just go inside instead of yelling, crying and making a scene, changes how the entire evening worked out. Think about it. The choice that someone makes when they get into a car after drinking, effects more than just the person driving, even the passengers, it also effects friends, family, even the people that you don't know, but have now killed by running into them. Think of how the actions of just ONE person changes the course of history for an entire race, religion, people.
My goal in this post is to just make people think... Instead of unleashing your fury on other people, or doing stupid things to get back at them for wrecking your fun, or ruining your plans, why not stop, think, take another perspective, laugh instead of avenging an act, and instead of setting your goals on getting even, just let God, have complete control of the situation and go on with your life while HE, not YOU deals with things. God has a great sense of humor, trust me, he can and will get even much better than you EVER could......
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