Give it up....

Like all of my great Epiphanys this one came in church. Last Sunday night when Brother Corteau was preaching, about the tide of freshness, this scene from a book popped into my head. When I say a scene from a book, I mean what I thought of when I read that particular section. When I read its like... my head makes its own little movie, with all the little characters and stuff.

In this particular book, the main character is trying to decide between two boys. Its really hard to explain, but basically she loves both of them , and they both want her so she has to decide. In the particular scene im talking about she is hugging one of the boys, and crying. As shes crying she can feel a part of her heart that that particular boy had, break off and die. Although he has been a good friend to her she knows that the other boy is much better for her.

And as I thought of this, I realized that I can't hang on to two things. My heart doesnt have room to fit both. I either have to choose like the character did. I either pick one, or the other.

I can choose one, that will appease my friends, because that would be going along with what they want, and of course that would also be the easiest road.

Or I could choose the harder path. A path that some people wont understand. Giving up everything in me, for something that is SO much greater.

And as I sat there I realized that as much as I had been trying to convice myself that I was living everything right, I realized that there was still that little bit of my heart that was trying to hang on to something else.... And that little peice had to go....

And so it did.

I am not perfect, and I know I never will be. I can strive to be the best that I can be, and thats what I will do. And just like the main character, I will let go, and choose the road that I know is right, even though the life will be hard, and I wont always get things my way. I know its the best way, and thats what makes it a journey worth traveling.

Dirty Glasses...

This is just something that I keep thinking about... Its been going around and around in my head and if I didnt blog about it my head was going to explode... I think...

It didnt turn out exactly how I wanted it too but I'm posting it anyways.... I probably wouldnt be able to find the right words eventually anyways, so this is what came about...

Sometimes, because we are human, and just because we can do it, we view our lives through dirty coke bottle glasses... Instead of being able to see clearly we end up with a very distorted and dim view of the lives we lead. Instead of being able to focus on the better things, our good qualities, we end up seeing the mud spattered, backwords person staring back in the mirror... Now this person might be covered in mud from a day out with friends, who all had a good time, but instead of focusing on that, all we can focus on is how bad we look.

I dont care how bad your life is messed up, you smoke? you drink? your parents are divorced, seperated etc? Why does that have to make you a bad person? why does that determine who YOU turn out to be... no one but YOU can deicde who you turn out to be. Its your decisions that determine that...

Now dont get your knickers in a knot... EVERYONE makes bad decisions every once in a while... Some people more than that! No one is perfect, for those of you who think you are, your not, now deal with it...

Just because you see a struggling, awkword, geekey person looking at you in the mirror, doesnt mean that someone else looks at you and sees a curagous, strong, funny, interesting, and fun person to be around.

Quit beating yourself up, take off the glasses, and look again. You might be surprised at what you find... and when you do see what you are, and will become, you will make someone proud...